Off the derech

Off the derech (OTD), from the Hebrew word דֶּרֶךְ‎ derech (meaning "path"), is an expression used to describe someone who leaves an Orthodox Jewish community. The term applies to a broad range of ex-Orthodox Jews, including those who leave Hasidic communities, ultra-Orthodox or Haredi communities, and Modern Orthodox communities. At times, individuals who move from a stricter form of Orthodoxy to a "more lenient" form of Orthodoxy are considered "off the derech" by their original, more stringent communities.

OTD is not a community or movement, but rather simply describes someone who leaves an Orthodox community to find a different path in life. Such new paths can be other forms of Judaism, other religions, or no religion at all.

There are three broad groups of those who have left Orthodoxy. There are those deemed to be "kids at risk" – those people who behave differently, do drugs, engage in criminal activity, and do not keep halacha; those who are well-adjusted and have stopped keeping halacha; and those who still keep halacha, but do not share the beliefs of their previous form of Orthodoxy.[1]

Terminology

The term was originally derogatory, coined by Orthodox Jews to denote that someone had left what they considered to be the one true path. However, OTD individuals and groups have reclaimed the term, and often use it to describe themselves, despite the previous negative connotations. Some use it simply as a convenient shorthand, while others use it in the sense of being off a narrow path and on a wider one. Some use OTD to cheekily mean 'on the derech', arguing that they have found their own paths. Within the broad range of OTD individuals and groups, there is a difference of opinion on whether it is better to reclaim the term or to use a new one altogether. One alternative is XO, a term coined by an OTD individual to signify 'ex-Orthodox' while also playing on a term for 'love'.

In Hebrew, the process of halting or decreasing religious observance is known as "יציאה בשאלה"[2] (leaving into a question) or "חזרה בשאלה" (returning into a questioning). The second term is a play on words referencing the movement to become more observant, known as "חזרה בתשובה".[3] The word "teshuvah" can mean both repentance ("returning" to God) and "answer" (to a question);[4] thus the opposite of repentance replaces "answer" with "question", which also refers to the questioning of belief by these individuals.

Though people have left religious Judaism throughout history, the term is anachronistic if used to describe an individual who lived before the 20th century. The contemporary phenomenon of OTD shares some similarities with the Haskalah movement in its disaffection with traditional modes of religion, its secularization and interest in secular education, and in experimenting with a secular Jewish culture. Like Haskalah, its members tend to be secularists and religious decentralists.[5]

Reasons for leaving

Nishma Research carried out a survey of OTD individuals in 2016, which recorded a widely-varied and complex set of reasons people give for leaving, and the process in which they do so.[6]

The Nishma study, as well as a study by Faranak Margolese, who wrote the book, Off the Derech: Why Observant Jews Leave Judaism; How to Respond to the Challenge came to the conclusion that: "Most formerly observant Jews today seem to have left, not because the outside world pulled them in, but rather because the observant one pushed them out. They experienced Judaism as a source of pain ... so they did what was natural: run in the other direction."[7]

Other studies point to the social and emotional aspect of Orthodox Judaism, and individuals' feelings of being silenced, marginalized, or ignored within the rigid social structure.[8]

Emotional and intellectual factors in an individual's decision to continue practicing Orthodox Judaism or to leave cannot be separated. As Margolese writes, "Observance = Positive feelings + Belief + Ability to implement (in that order)."[9]

Some selected reasons revealed by these studies:

• bad behavior in the community, especially from community leaders
• oppressive community norms
• experiencing religious observance as a condition for parents' or teachers' love or approval
• molestation, rape or other sexual abuse
• difficulty reconciling strict interpretations of Torah and Talmud with knowledge of natural sciences

A lot of OTD individuals from stricter backgrounds experience sexual abuse.[10] Someone subject to sexual abuse is often shunned and quietened in the community.[11]

Processes of leaving

One study by Roni Berger found four milestones common in the narratives of study participants: 1) initial questioning; 2) growing doubts; 3) beginning to share selectively with a small group of trusted others; 4) revealing a new and altered identity.[12] This process of religious disaffiliation is echoed by Helen Rose Fuchs Ebaugh (1988) in an article about ex-nuns.[13] In the case of nuns, Ebuagh says the process is 1) first doubts; 2) seeking and weighing role alternatives; 3) a turning point; 4) establishing an ex-role identity.

Lynn Davidman's book acknowledges the often messy process of leaving, including a period of "passing" when individuals would move between two worlds.[8] This period is characterized by confusion, doubts, depression, and defiance, but also by self-confidence and courage to leave the regimented world they grew up in and begin to live in another world.

Traumatic effects of leaving

Individuals who leave Orthodox Judaism often face rejection from friends and family members. This knowledge often leads individuals who have doubts to first try to reconcile their doubts, in order to avoid the risk of losing family and friends. At this stage, individuals often experience anxiety and depression.[8] Many contemplate and attempt suicide.[14]

Leaving any faith-based community has its traumatic effects, including the need to come to grips with losing a sense of reliance on a god, and reconciling one's self to the idea that one must stand on one's own two feet.[15] OTD individuals also struggle with ideas ingrained about god's punishment, often leading to extreme feelings of guilt.[8]

Leaving a close-knit community where every member of the community is taken care of is often financially challenging as well.

The suicide rate among those who have left ultra-Orthodox Judaism is disproportionately high.[16] Faigy Mayer's 2015 suicide was covered by many media outlets, which led to a spate of think-pieces about OTD suicides.[17]

Connection to communities

Individuals who leave Orthodox communities often have difficulty extricating themselves from the religious life while still maintaining contact with families, and they often have difficulty adjusting to the secular world after leaving the insularity of the ultra-Orthodox enclaves. Many individuals form groups of friends who get together for shabbat dinners, and other practices with cultural significance.[8][18]

Some Haredi Jews never leave the community despite losing their faith, and they are sometimes referred to as Reverse Marranos,[19][20] double-lifers,[6] or Orthoprax Jews.[21] The decision to stay is often influenced by fear of being ostracized and having to rebuild community, or by fear of losing one's spouse and/or children.[6]

Many OTD individuals become activists for various causes. Some examples: ZAAKAH works to prevent child sexual abuse,[22][23] YAFFED advocates for basic secular education[24] among ultra-Orthodox and Hasidic Jews, and JQY focuses on LGBTQ+ causes.[25] Some OTD individuals are also involved in "Unchained at Last",[26] which works to end child marriages and forced marriages.

Orthodox communities' responses

The perspective of Orthodox individuals and leaders toward those who left range from considering them apostates to be shunned and derided, to wayward people in pain who need to be shown love.

Agudath Israel of America, a leading ultra-Orthodox organization, addresses the topic of individuals leaving Orthodox Judaism often. At their national conventions in 2015 and 2016, they addressed the topic in panels titled "OTD: Why Do They Leave? And What Can We Do About It?"[27] and "Diving Off The Derech The Emerging Adult At Risk Phenomenon."[28]

Groups and resources

Ad hoc OTD communities have developed, with the most established being Footsteps,[29] founded in December 2003 to help orthodox Jews who want to explore the option of leaving their insular communities. Project Makom was founded in July 2014, and "helps former and questioning Charedi Jews find their place in Orthodoxy.[30] Informal communities have developed on websites, blogs and Facebook groups as well.[31]

Personal stories

Accounts of individuals leaving the Jewish faith go back thousands of years. Elisha ben Abuyah or "Acher" (Hebrew for "The Other One"), a rabbi living around the year 70 CE who ultimately left his religious lifestyle and was deemed a heretic by his former colleagues, is sometimes jokingly referred to as the patron saint of OTD individuals. More recently, a number of stories of people leaving The Derech have gained a degree of fame or notoriety, even in the general public's eye. The documentary film One of Us follows the lives of three individuals as they struggle through the process of leaving their Orthodox communities; the miniseries Unorthodox is loosely based on the story of Deborah Feldman leaving her former Hasidic Community; and Taffy Brodesser-Akner's New York Times piece brought many aspects of the phenomenon into the spotlight as well. The Off the Derech website profiles OTD individuals' stories,[32] and some blogs detail the process and journey of questioning, struggling with doubt, leaving, and adjusting to secular society.[33][34][35][36][37][38]

Notable OTD individuals

• Judy Brown[39]
• Shulem Deen[40]
• Deborah Feldman
• Matisyahu[41]
• Abby Stein[42]
• Leah Vincent[43]
• David Volach[44]
• Akiva Weingarten
• Melissa Malky Weisz[45]

See also

• Apostasy in Judaism
• Baal teshuva, a Jew raised in a non-observant family who becomes observant as an adult
• Frum, to describe observant Jews
• Jewish atheism
• Jewish Buddhists
• Jewish secularism

References

1. Margolese, Faranak (2005). Off the Derech. Jerusalem, Israel: Devora Publishing Company. p. 26.
5. Samuel, Freedman. "Stepping off the Path and Redefining Faith". The New York Times. Retrieved 31 December 2015.
6. "Social Research". Nishma Research. Retrieved 2018-01-29.
7. Margolese, Faranak (2005). Off the Derech. Jerusalem, Israel: Devora Publishing Company. p. 37.
8. Becoming Un-Orthodox: Stories of Ex-Hasidic Jews. Oxford, New York: Oxford University Press. 2014-12-01. ISBN 9780199380503.
9. Margolese, Faranak (2005). Off the Derech. Jerusalem, Israel: Devora Publishing Company. p. 353.
10. Otterman, Sharon; Rivera, Ray (2012-05-09). "Ultra-Orthodox Shun Their Own for Reporting Child Sexual Abuse". The New York Times. ISSN 0362-4331. Retrieved 2020-06-15.
11. Otterman, Sharon; Rivera, Ray (2012-05-09). "Ultra-Orthodox Shun Their Own for Reporting Child Sexual Abuse". The New York Times. ISSN 0362-4331. Retrieved 2020-06-15.
12. Berger, Roni. "Leaving an Insular Community: The Case of Ultra-Orthodox Jews." Jewish Journal of Sociology 56, no. 1/2 (2014): 75-98.
13. Falling from the faith : causes and consequences of religious apostasy. Bromley, David G. Newbury Park, Calif.: Sage Publications. 1988. ISBN 0803931883. OCLC 16356164.CS1 maint: others (link)
14. staff/batya-ungar-sargon (2015-08-12). "Why Do So Many Jews Who Leave The Ultra-Orthodox Community Commit Suicide?". Gothamist. Archived from the original on 2020-06-15. Retrieved 2020-06-15.
15. Baier, K.E.M. The Meaning of Life; in Angeles, P. (1976). Critiques of God. Buffalo, NY: Prometheus Books. p. 318
16. Lavin, Talia (2015-07-31). "Off the Path of Orthodoxy". The New Yorker. ISSN 0028-792X. Retrieved 2018-01-29.
17. "Faigy Mayer's Brave Life and Shocking Death". The Forward. Retrieved 2018-01-29.
18. Ewing, Heidi; Grady, Rachel (2017-10-20), One of Us, Etty, Chani Getter, Ari Hershkowitz, retrieved 2018-01-29
19. Fader, Ayala (2014). "Anthropology and History". American Jewish History. 98 (1): 1–8. doi:10.1353/ajh.2014.0003.
20. "Introduction: an anthropological approach to Jews and Judaism". Thefreelibrary.com. Retrieved 26 December 2015.
21. "Secretly seduced by science, Hasidic atheists lead a double life – Batya Ungar-Sargon - Aeon Essays". Aeon.co.
22. "Ultra-Orthodox Jews Rally to Discuss Risks of Internet". The New York Times. 21 May 2012. Retrieved 26 December 2015.
23. "Why We Protested In Midwood Last Sunday – ZAAKAH". Some People Live More in 20 Years... 2017-06-28. Retrieved 2018-01-29.
24. "Yaffed". Retrieved 2018-01-29.
25. "Home Page - JQY". Jqyouth.org. Retrieved 2018-01-29.
26. "Unchained At Last - UN-Arrange a Marriage … RE-Arrange a Life". Unchainedlast.org. Retrieved 11 May 2019.
27. "Agudath Israel of America Convention 2017". Agudahconvention.org. Retrieved 2018-01-29.
28. Israel, Agudath (2016-11-22), Agudah Convention 2016 Diving Off The Derech The Emerging Adult At Risk Phenomenon, retrieved 2018-01-29
29. "Footsteps | Your life. Your journey. Your choice". Footstepsorg.org. Retrieved 2018-01-29.
30. "Project Makom | Who We Are". projectmakom.org. Retrieved 2018-01-29.
31. "Facebook Off the Derech Group - Facebook". Facebook. Retrieved 26 December 2015.
32. "Personal Stories". Off the Derech. Retrieved 2018-01-31.
33. "View from Within". View from Within. Retrieved 2018-01-31.
34. "Tales Out of Bais Yaakov". Tales Out of Bais Yaakov. Retrieved 2018-01-31.
35. "Freethinking Jewboy". Freethinking Jewboy. Retrieved 2018-01-31.
36. "The Moment You Knew |". Themomentyouknew.com. Retrieved 2018-01-31.
37. "Tales of a Wandering..." Tales of a Wandering... Retrieved 2018-01-31.
38. "The Second Son". 2nd-son.blogspot.com. Retrieved 2018-01-31.
39. "The Sun Is a Star". Judy Brown (Eishes Chayil), The Forward, September 26, 2012.
40. "SHULEM DEEN". SHULEM DEEN. Retrieved 2018-01-29.
41. "From Hasidism to Freedom: Singer Matisyahu Unbound". Debra Nussbaum Cohen, Haaretz, March 10, 2015.
42. "A Descendant of the Founder of Hasidic Judaism Just Came Out As an Atheist Trans Woman". Camille Beredjick, Friendly Atheist, December 7, 2015.
43. "LEAH VINCENT". Leahvincewnt.wordpress.com. Retrieved 2018-01-29.
44. "Goodbye to all that - Haaretz - Israel News | Haaretz.com". 2018-08-15. Archived from the original on 2018-08-15. Retrieved 2018-10-02.
45. "melissaweisz". Melissaweisz.com.

Further reading

• Margolese, Faranak, Off the Derech: Why Observant Jews Leave Judaism; How to Respond to the Challenge, Devora Publishing, 2005.
• Sharp, Heather (11 January 2010), "High cost of leaving ultra-orthodox Judaism", BBC
• Winston, Hella, Unchosen: The Hidden Lives of Hasidic Rebels, Beacon Press, 2006.
• Nishma Research (June 2016) conducted the first large-scale quantitative study ever of this group, with a survey of 885 people who have left Orthodoxy, "Survey of Those Who Have Left Orthodoxy"
• Fader, Ayala, Hidden Heretics: Jewish Doubt in the Digital Age, Princeton University Press, 2020.
• Cappell, Ezra and Lang, Jessica, Off the Derech: Leaving Orthodox Judaism, SUNY Press, 2020.